BEN'S FIVE-STAGE FRAMEWORK OF LETTING GO
By Ben Abudawood
Letting go is a concept that appears throughout psychology, counselling, mental health, and personal development literature. People are often encouraged to let go of painful memories, difficult emotions, failed relationships, regrets, disappointments, trauma, or experiences that continue to affect their wellbeing. Despite how frequently the term is used, there remains considerable uncertainty about what letting go actually means and how it occurs. For some individuals, letting go may be viewed as acceptance, while for others it may involve emotional release, personal growth, or finding meaning after adversity. As a result, the concept is often discussed in broad or abstract terms without a clear framework for understanding the psychological processes involved.
Ben's Five-Stage Framework of Letting Go was developed as an emerging conceptual framework to explore this process in a more structured way. Rather than viewing letting go as a single event, decision, or moment of closure, the framework conceptualises it as a gradual process of psychological transformation that may occur following adversity. The framework was designed to integrate emotional, cognitive, and personal dimensions of adaptation into a model consisting of five interconnected stages: Recognize, Reveal, Release, Rebuild, and Rise. Together, these stages provide a way of understanding how individuals may navigate difficult experiences and gradually develop a different relationship with the past.
The framework emerged from the observation that adversity often affects multiple aspects of an individual's psychological functioning. Experiences such as bereavement, relationship breakdown, trauma, chronic illness, failure, rejection, career setbacks, or significant life transitions can influence emotions, beliefs, identity, behaviour, and future aspirations. While people respond to adversity in different ways, common psychological themes often appear across these experiences. The framework attempts to organise these themes into a coherent process that may help explain how individuals move from emotional distress towards adaptation and flourishing.
The first stage of the framework is Recognize, which centres on awareness. Adversity often triggers a range of emotional responses including sadness, grief, anger, disappointment, fear, shame, guilt, frustration, and loneliness. In many situations, individuals may attempt to avoid these emotions because they are painful, uncomfortable, or overwhelming. Some may distract themselves through work, social activities, or other commitments, while others may suppress emotional experiences entirely. Although these strategies can provide temporary relief, unresolved emotions may continue to influence thoughts, behaviours, and relationships over time.
The Recognize stage emphasises the importance of becoming aware of emotional experiences and acknowledging their presence. This stage does not necessarily require individuals to immediately resolve their emotions or understand them completely. Instead, it focuses on recognising emotional pain and accepting that it exists. Awareness is considered a foundational element within the framework because psychological change often begins with acknowledging what is being experienced. Without recognition, individuals may struggle to address the underlying emotional and psychological effects of adversity.
The second stage, Reveal, focuses on truth and understanding. Human beings naturally attempt to make sense of significant life events by constructing narratives and explanations. These interpretations shape how individuals understand themselves, other people, and the world around them. Following adversity, individuals may develop beliefs that influence their emotional wellbeing and future behaviour. For example, a person may begin to see themselves as inadequate after repeated failures, or someone who has experienced betrayal may develop assumptions about trust and relationships.
The Reveal stage involves examining these narratives and bringing underlying beliefs into awareness. It encourages individuals to explore how they interpret their experiences and whether those interpretations accurately reflect reality. This process is not about denying adversity or minimising its impact. Instead, it involves seeking a deeper understanding of the assumptions, beliefs, and meanings that have developed around the experience. By revealing these underlying perspectives, individuals may gain greater clarity about the psychological factors that contribute to ongoing distress or prevent them from moving forward.
The third stage, Release, centres on acceptance. Acceptance is often one of the most misunderstood concepts in discussions of psychological wellbeing. It is sometimes incorrectly interpreted as approval, resignation, or surrender. Within the framework, however, acceptance refers to recognising reality as it exists and reducing resistance to circumstances that cannot be changed.
Many individuals become trapped in cycles of wishing the past had been different, repeatedly revisiting painful events, or struggling against outcomes beyond their control. While such responses are understandable, they can sometimes prolong emotional suffering. The Release stage involves gradually loosening attachment to what can no longer be altered and redirecting attention towards the present. This does not mean forgetting painful experiences or pretending they never occurred. Rather, it reflects a shift in the individual's relationship with those experiences. Acceptance allows people to acknowledge what has happened without remaining psychologically bound to it. Within the framework, Release represents a critical transition between understanding adversity and adapting to it.
The fourth stage, Rebuild, focuses on identity reconstruction. Significant adversity often disrupts an individual's sense of self. Experiences such as loss, trauma, failure, illness, or major life changes can challenge previously held beliefs about identity, purpose, relationships, and future goals. Individuals may find themselves questioning who they are, what they value, and what direction they wish to take in life.
The Rebuild stage explores the process through which people begin reconstructing their identity following disruption. Rather than viewing themselves solely through the lens of adversity, individuals may start integrating their experiences into a broader understanding of who they are. New strengths may emerge, priorities may shift, and values may become clearer. Some individuals may discover capabilities they had not previously recognised, while others may develop new perspectives on what is important in life. Identity reconstruction does not erase the impact of adversity; instead, it reflects the process of incorporating those experiences into a revised and more adaptive sense of self.
The fifth and final stage is Rise, which focuses on purpose and flourishing. While many models of recovery concentrate primarily on reducing distress or returning individuals to previous levels of functioning, the Rise stage explores the possibility of growth beyond recovery. It considers how adversity may contribute to the development of new meaning, purpose, insight, and personal fulfilment.
Within the framework, flourishing does not imply that individuals become free from hardship or emotional pain. Instead, it refers to positive psychological functioning characterised by resilience, self-understanding, meaningful relationships, and a sense of direction. Individuals may discover renewed motivation, pursue goals aligned with their values, or develop a greater appreciation for aspects of life that were previously taken for granted. The Rise stage therefore represents the possibility that psychological transformation can extend beyond adaptation and contribute to a more purposeful way of living.
An important feature of Ben's Five-Stage Framework of Letting Go is that it does not propose a strictly linear progression through the stages. Human experiences are rarely predictable, and psychological adaptation often involves movement between different emotional and cognitive states. Individuals may revisit earlier stages, experience several stages simultaneously, or progress through them at different rates. Someone may achieve acceptance while continuing to explore questions of identity, or they may discover new meaning while still processing emotional pain. The framework therefore views the stages as interconnected and dynamic rather than fixed steps that must occur in a particular order.
The framework is intended to be applicable across a wide range of experiences, including bereavement, trauma, relationship dissolution, health challenges, career disruptions, academic setbacks, and major life transitions. Although individuals will respond differently depending on their circumstances, the framework suggests that common psychological processes may underlie many experiences of letting go. By organising these processes into five stages, it offers a structured way of thinking about how people respond to adversity and how psychological transformation may occur over time.
As an emerging conceptual framework, Ben's Five-Stage Framework of Letting Go should not be viewed as a fully established psychological theory. Rather, it represents an initial attempt to conceptualise the process of letting go through the integration of awareness, truth, acceptance, identity reconstruction, and purpose. The framework aims to contribute to ongoing discussions surrounding resilience, adaptation, meaning-making, and flourishing while providing a foundation for future exploration and research. Further empirical investigation will be necessary to evaluate the framework's applicability, examine its relationship to existing psychological theories, and assess its usefulness across different populations and contexts.
Nevertheless, the framework offers a perspective on letting go that extends beyond the common idea of simply "moving on." Instead, it presents letting go as a multifaceted process involving emotional awareness, deeper understanding, acceptance of reality, reconstruction of identity, and the pursuit of meaning and purpose. Through the stages of Recognize, Reveal, Release, Rebuild, and Rise, the framework provides a conceptual lens through which the journey from adversity to flourishing can be explored and understood.
Readers interested in exploring the framework in greater depth, including its development, conceptual foundations, and relationship to existing psychological literature, can access the full research paper through the link provided below.